Disgusted

I was put in a situation last night that I was so uncomfortable with.
The night was so fun until I walked into a hotel room where people were gathered around the coffee table doing lines of coke.
I was suddenly 12 again walking in on my parents doing lines.
I was disgusted with every person I saw and started getting a slight anxiety attack. I stood outside of the hotel room until they were done and I was sober enough to drive home.

That was the first time I've been in that situation and I hated every part of it...

Heaven recieved another Angel to watch down on us

Wednesday afternoon I got terrible news that my friend Timmy Williams took his own life. I was in shock and devastated. How can this be real? Why was he in so much pain? Was there anything anyone could have done or said to have prevented this?
Timmy was an amazing guy. He made me laugh every time we were together. He listened to me when I needed someone to talk to. After Ronnie and I broke up it was Timmy who was there for me. Whether it was sitting on the floor in Barnes and Noble talking about our dreams and reading their meanings in the dream books, going to Disneyland to look at all the cute boys, sending me dick pics, or pigging out at Cheesecake Factory.
I loved the guy and I'll truly miss him.
I booked my flight to Colorado tonight. I'm leaving Wednesday and coming home Saturday. I'm a little nervous because this is my first solo trip. I'm flying by myself, got my own rental car, and my own hotel room. It'll be quiet but I'm sure Jenn will invite me to all the family get-together's.
It's going to be a hard week...

I'll be seeing you

I really miss my Grandpa Gene. It's been over a year since he passed away.
He's been in my thoughts so much lately. At Josh and Sara's wedding I thought of him hoping he was watching too. He was so excited when he heard Josh proposed to Sara. He said, "It's been so long since we've had a wedding!". He really was looking forward to it but I think he knew he wouldn't make it.
While in San Francisco I thought of him. Him and my Grandma Sara loved San Francisco. He used to talk about it a lot.
I listen to Frank Sinatra and it makes me feel like my Grandpa is in the room with me. He was always singing Sinatra songs. Maybe a major reason why I love him so much.

I wish I could spend just one more day with him... I need to stop taking my loved ones for granted and enjoy every moment with them.
I'm afraid my Grandma Sara is going to go next. She was so frail at Josh and Sara's wedding. I don't want to imagine the day. All I want is for her to see me get married and give her a great grandchild but I don't think that's going to happen.

Oh baby you, got what I need. But you say you're just a friend

What do you do when you can't stop thinking of someone?
Every time you're around them you get nervous, your heart skips beats, and you have butterflies in your stomach.
You look forward to spending time with them.
You imagine "what ifs" about you and them all the time.

But there's nothing you can do about these feelings.
I guess if I had more guts I could just put it all out there but that will never happen. Too much on the line for something like that.

I can't wait to hold my new love in my arms

My iPad is on it's way!!! Soon we will meet and fall in love forever and ever.
Hurry up Mr. FedEx!

I left my heart in San Francisco

San Francisco was amazing.
I can imagine myself living there.
I'm sad to be back home in OC. :(
My heart actually aches.